Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
