That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
