I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize