some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
