god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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