Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
