idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
