This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
