my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
