running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
