Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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