Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
