come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
