I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize