he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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