Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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