I wish I only lived at night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
