Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was like eating out sand paper
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
