I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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