I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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