I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
