it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
