No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
