dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
