Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
