butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
