normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
