if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
