it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
