I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
