I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
