maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
