My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Houston, we have a squirter
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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