I feel great
I just peed on a car
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
