It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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