and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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