Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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