Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
