I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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