I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
