some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
