You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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