she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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