I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
