im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
