eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
