My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
