Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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