I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
