I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize