I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
