This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
