so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
