i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize