It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
