I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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