OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
