He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize