THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
