it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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