I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there was a trapeze. enough said
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
