It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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