I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I love you.
Bad choice
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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