you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
