how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
