Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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