Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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