Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
