Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
