Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
