Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I AM VODKA MAN
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
