TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
