I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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