so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
