i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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